Tag Archives: plays on words

Books and Authors

I’ve just returned from a week’s vacation with our children, one human grandchild, and our furry grandson, Gus the Havanese. Meet Gus, sweetest pooch in the world (except for yours).

 

 

 

It was a nasty flight home and I’m tired, so my offering today is a post I copied from a British website that focuses on grammatical and spelling errors in signs. I’ve altered the list a little to change the spelling of some authors’ names. These so-called books and their so-called writers struck me as funny. Maybe it’s due to jet lag.

How to Write Big Books, by Warren Peace

The Lion Attacked, by Claude Yarmoff

The Art of Archery, by Boze N. Arrows

Songs for Children, by Baba Blacksheep

Irish Heart Surgery, by Angie O’Plasty

Desert Crossing, by I. Rhoda Camel

School Truancy, by Marcus Absent

I Was a Cloakroom Attendant, by Mahatma Coate

I Lost My Balance, by Eileen Dover and Phil Downe

Mystery in the Barnyard, by Hu Phlung Dung

Positive Reinforcement, by Wade Ago

“Shhh!” by Danielle Soloud

The Philippine Post Office, by Imelda Letter

Halloween Games, by Bob Frapples

Stop Arguing, by Xavier Breth

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under All things having to do with the English language

Time to Groan

From my friend Marilyn. I love it when you send me ideas and examples. Keep them coming.

 Lexophile” is a word used to describe those who have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best example is held every year in an undisclosed location.  
 
This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.
 
… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 

… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 

… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 

… The batteries were given out free of charge
 
…. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 
 
… A will is a dead giveaway. 

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

… A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 

… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
 

… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 

… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? 
  He’s all right now. 

… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
 
… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
 

… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 

… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
 

… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
 
 
And the cream of the twisted crop:
 
… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
 

Leave a comment

Filed under All things having to do with the English language

My Travels

images-3.jpg

Author unknown.

I have been to a lot of places , but I have never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips thanks to my friends and family. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I am not too much on physical activity involving heights.

I have also been in Doubt and in Decisive.  Those are unsettling places to go, and I try not to visit too often. I’ve been in Toxicated, and I woke up the next day with a headache. I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I seem to go there more often as I’m getting older. One of the most exciting places to be, is in Suspense. It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart.

One place I hope never to be is in Continent.

4 Comments

Filed under All things having to do with the English language

Wordplay

OK, maybe not THAT funny.

OK, maybe not THAT funny.

For all you lexiphiles, here are some very clever sentences to enjoy. I only wish I could give attribution to whoever collected them.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
The batteries were given out free of charge. 
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three year old was 
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture – a jab well done.

1 Comment

Filed under All things having to do with the English language