Tag Archives: Dilbert

B.S. Generator

UnknownLast week a very clever, bright friend of mine, JW, sent me this email. See what you think of his writing:

Hi Judi,

My team was asked to quickly architect a plan to seamlessly integrate leading-edge content to help emerging virtual communities conceptualize our core meta-service offerings.

Clearly, we need to re-conceptualize an innovative interface to tap our intellectual capital so we can collaboratively whiteboard new ideas to both globally implement improved quality vectors and enable our stand-alone solutions to optimally perform in the real-time channels of next-generation markets. I’m wondering if you could help facilitate a discussion on how to best aggregate our exceptional process improvements to leverage the viral opportunities by sharing this compelling language tool

Doesn’t JW have command of the most compelling corporate jargon? You know he is destined to go far up the ladder where he works. In fact, he enjoys heights both inside and outside the office, being an outstanding climber in his leisure time.

If you are tired of writing clearly, concisely and compellingly, click on that link and you will be taken to a site guaranteed to speed you on your own way up the corporate hierarchy. It will be easy and painless, and your success is practically assured.

Good luck to all of you!

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Filed under All things having to do with the English language

One of My Favorite Quotations

Dilbert

Dilbert (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

During all my years of corporate consulting in which I encouraged employees to rid their writing of jargon, I was confronted by so-called mission statements and vision statements, often posted on walls.

I always questioned their purpose. Do employees read them and take them to heart? I doubt it—although I seem to remember reading that some Japanese companies have their employees recite the mission statements every morning in an attempt to encourage productivity. Is that all it would take? If so, why isn’t every company having workers recite the morning mantra?  I suspect it’s because these statements mean nothing.

If you are a fan of Scott Adams’ “Dilbert” cartoon, you may have seen his definition of a mission statement:

“A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.”

I concur.

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Filed under All things having to do with the English language