As always, thank you, Brian B.
As always, thank you, Brian B.
Is this you?
Before I went to Italy, I wrote a blog post on new job titles. After I returned, I found an article in the New York Times by Sam Slaughter, called “Your Job Title is … What?”
Because of the preponderance of startups, people today are inventing their own titles. No more East Coast Regional Managers. Vice Presidents of Customer Relations? Gone! Now business cards are introducing Wizards, Gurus, Ninjas, Story Strategists, Futurists and Brand Ambassadors. You can be a Thought Leader at a morning meeting and morph into a Customer Happiness Manager in the afternoon.
Slaughter also has met Influencers and Trend Strategists, Story Architects and Culture Hackers, not to mention a person who admits she was greatly influenced by Dr. Seuss when she was young and decided her job description was (wait for it) Thing 2.
Loyal Correspondent (my title for him) Jeff W. sent me the following titles he’s come across:
Director of First Impressions (receptionist)
Creator of Opportunities (business development)
Chief Amazement Officer (founder)
Director of Listening (social media monitoring)
Chief Troublemaker (CEO) and generally, any title with Catalyst, to describe someone who unblocks corporate inertia.
Jeff has also seen Dragonslayer, Gatekeeper, Sorceress, Jedi, Ranger, Rebel, Zen Master, Time Lord, Princess, Queen and, yes, Webslinger (Spiderman?). My personal favorite, however, is the Eternal Harbinger of Spring.
Don’t tell me you are still a Vice President of Customer Relations!
The website Grammarly has a list of 10 signs you might be a grammar nerd. My thanks to Brian B., always on the lookout for something up my linguistic alley.
1. You use standard spelling, capitalization, and punctuation when you text.
2. You have appointed yourself as “honorary proofreader” of your friends’ social media posts.
3. You know how and when to use “affect” and “effect.”
4. You feel compelled to correct poorly written public signs. It isn’t vandalism if you’re correcting it, right?
5. The thought of posting a writing error online mortifies you.
6. You have an opinion about the Oxford comma.
7. You follow Grammarly on Facebook and Twitter.
8. You’re a regular contributor to the #grammar hashtag in social media.
9. The sound of a double negative makes you cringe.
10. You mentally edit all the books and magazines you read.
During all my years of corporate consulting in which I encouraged employees to rid their writing of jargon, I was confronted by so-called mission statements and vision statements, often posted on walls.
I always questioned their purpose. Do employees read them and take them to heart? I doubt it—although I seem to remember reading that some Japanese companies have their employees recite the mission statements every morning in an attempt to encourage productivity. Is that all it would take? If so, why isn’t every company having workers recite the morning mantra? I suspect it’s because these statements mean nothing.
If you are a fan of Scott Adams’ “Dilbert” cartoon, you may have seen his definition of a mission statement:
“A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.”