You’ll Groan But Will Love These

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My friend Cami knew I would love these definitions and ideas. I do, I do. I think you will, too.

WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?
A lexophile, of course!
(Definition: a lover of words and wordplay)
Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!
 How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.
 England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
 They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.
 I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.
 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
 I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went and then it dawned on me.
 This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.
 When chemists die, they barium.
 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.
 I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.
 Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.
 I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
 Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
 Broken pencils are pointless.
 What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?   A thesaurus.
 I dropped out of communism class because of terrible Marx.
 I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
 Velcro – what a rip off!
 Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
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Filed under All things having to do with the English language

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